extended happiness.

“If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree,
I won't grow up, never grow up, never grow up, not me. ”
― Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.

Peter Pan depicted the story of a never-ending childhood, Peter leading an army of lost boys in a world called Neverland. He coaxes a bunch of children into this world alongside him, with the promise of something elusive and grand, the promise of never growing old, or more importantly, never growing up. The notion of such a faith would surely arouse a tidal wave of relief in the current generation of 20-somethings.

In the backdrop of a rapidly moving society, where the economy is poor and the expectations still vast, it’s no wonder my generation of piers are feeling pressure. It has been said the generation of my age group are now in a transition, known as extended adolescence. To label it, is actually slightly humorous, as I for one, still consider myself to be a young adult. Don’t we all? Let’s face it, society is always changing, and while we all hate to hear the ancient man in the corner spouting dusty tales of “in my day..” maybe we ought to listen.

The expectations of our youth today is certainly greatly opposed to what would have been considered the “norm” in our parents generation. And whether the players of this truth regard this as fact or not, us pawns can see the evidence of this on a daily basis. Let’s start with the fearful old faithful:

Love: we have all know it to be true, now a days, teens as outrageously young as 14 start to form intimate relationships. They fall into what they consider passionate love, and it usually ends in deep heartbreak and confusion for one of them. This does not concern grown-ups. How many times have you heard some variation of the following statements?

“Your too young to understand love.” “you cant be in love at your age.” “its only your first relationship, it was never going to last” “ you need to get out there and meet new people” “you are only young once, don’t waste it”

One of my favourites is when the older generation roll their eyes knowingly amongst each other while commenting on the fact that we are or could be, in love. Yet this is hugely hypocritical, because for the vast majority of us, our parents were married as young as 18. Somehow I doubt they knew exceptionally more than us about what it is to love another.

I try to avoid being cynical, because as a girl, I feel the need to hang onto the idea of genuine and true love, however the bleak facts stand for themselves: our parents stayed together out of expectations of society, lack of choice, oppressed views..many factors. I will not tar everyone with the same bitter brush, and I retain faith that some are genially in love and made it work, but most had no choice but to make it worth, despite unhappiness. It wasn’t heard of to quit life. The truth is this: young love that is not tainted by the pressure of life is the purest kind you’ll ever find.

Which brings me to my next point. Self indulgence, or if you will self preservation. Our generation have gotten lazy, we’ve gotten sloppy. We are more selfish and confused than the previous generations, and all of this ironically is linked with the gift of freedom and choice. The youth of today change relationships and sexual partners as often as their underwear. There is a consensus that if someone treats you bad? Dump them. Someone have a problem? Loose them. Someone carrying baggage? You don’t need that. Did someone fuck up? Plenty more fish in the sea. This fact is a very sharp and dangerous double edged sword for us. Yes, this now means that we have the freedom to choose what is best for us. It means we have ability to experiment and see what we want out of a partner and more importantly, discover who we are, therefore understanding what we want from somebody else. However, this can often be confused with a sense of loyalty. People are not perfect. Relationships are far from perfect, and while they are amazing, it almost guarantees in itself they won’t come easy. This view of the world has been distorted as is passed down through generation. One of the more fortunate traits our parents can not pass unto us is the drive to work hard at something, the time to see that rough patches pass and the devotion to sometimes see the bigger picture above our own shallow needs.

Has any else noticed the huge rise of young adult books among the age group of 20-30 year olds? It’s a huge phenomenon currently, and not a surprising one at that. It’s common that at this age one would be ridiculed for reading teen paraphernalia , but I cannot understand why. This I feel is how the simplest level of extended adolescent can be seen, clear cut in society. These young adult books, whether fantasy or fiction revolve around the same topics. 1) Finding yourself.: figuring out who you are, and embracing that, trying not to be afraid of what you want and more importantly, understanding that you’ll NEVER fully know and that IS okay. 2: Love: falling in love. Understanding what makes you fall in love with someone, the feeling it captures to understand someone else and how they compliment you. You’ll also always notice a theme of love triangles or confusion amongst two lovers. This is breaking the stereotype, showing this age wasn’t supposed to be when fall for one person and never question anything else, these books helps explore that and know that it’s okay to constantly question this. 3: learning to take responsibility for your actions, and what you want your actions to be.

Walk into any bookshop this week, and find the teen/young adult section. It has quadrupled in size since we ourselves were teens and extended adolescence is the reason for this, they are being read by people in their 20s and even 30s and want to know the most interesting thing? They are all written by men and women in their late 30’s and 40s. Never by a teen themselves. This is because extended adolescence lives inside all of us, and the media and society are finding ways to explore and nurture this.

Life is overwhelming. And never black and white, we all live in 40 shades of grey and will adamantly question what shade were ourselves are shadowing. What’s changed now is that it is okay to express this. This is attactehd with an element of sorrow, sure. The idea of spending your life from 18 onwards with one person is practically eliminated, and golden anniversy’s won’t be seen in our day. But I would rather be with the right person for ten years then the wrong person for 50.I would rather work the wrong job, and live in the wrong place, but question and breath in life than have blind faith. Give me modern society, not George Orwell’s 1984. We don’t have all the answers, and I certainly won’t if we ever become a parent. Some of the most interesting people have already got “lives” but lives do not equal possessions. Or who we marry. Or what we do.

“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. “

I say choose everything else. Choose to indulge in thoughts that are scary and explicit. Choose to think recklessly like a adolescent. Choose to act the way you want that is not limited to a certain age bracket. Question everything, judge nothing.

Adolescence is a time where we are a bunch of raging hormones, impulsive, unpredictable, passionate, and most of all unsure.

To all the lost boys out there. I salute you.